Marni 0:01

Welcome everyone to Bitches in Heat, a podcast where middle-aged hotties bitch about perimetaphs, metaphors, and the shit that surrounds it. Also, hotties, there will be swearing.

Dom 0:13

So maybe wear headphones or go in a different room if you've got kiddos and sensitive ears. But do grab a glass of your favorite beverage besties. I'm Marnie. I'm Dom. And today we are talking, or I should say bitching. Today we are bitching about peeing ourselves.

Marni 0:31

Yeah, just to be clear, we are not medical professionals and our advice should not be construed as such.

Dom 0:38

So if you have any medical questions, go see your OBGYN, or even better, your menopause specialist, and tell them we sent you. Yes. And who are we? Who are we, Dom? Who are we? And what are we drinking? Well, I am Dom. I am here in Maine. I am drinking Rosel Dave from the corner market. I do not remember what it's called, summer something, but it's delicious. Um, and I am 44, almost 44 years old. I'll be 44 in September. And uh I am currently in perimenopause, and I have been dealing with perimenopausal symptoms since shortly before my 40th birthday. So roughly four years I've been dealing with perimenopausal symptoms. Um and Marnie and I said we were gonna start sharing fun facts when we talk about ourselves. So my fun fact for today is at my farmer's market last week, I saw Gabriel burn.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Oh my gosh!

Dom 1:44

And like I'm standing at the cucumbers staring at him awkwardly. And I'm like, I'm like, who's that handsome man with like looked like he had grandkids with him? And I'm like watching, and I'm obviously inappropriately, inappropriately at this time holding the cucumber. Um and I'm just like, oh, it's the professor for little women.

Marni 2:12

Oh my god.

Dom 2:13

Oh my god. I just want to go ask him to tell me that his hands are emptied so I can put my hand in his hand and say, not anymore. Turns out he lives in the next town over. And he'll be able to figure out where I live.

Marni 2:30

Oh no. Well, now you're gonna see him every time you go to the farmer's market.

Dom 2:34

That is so cool. Farmer's Market goes through the end of October. I am so gonna be staking it out every weekend. Oh my god.

Marni 2:41

Maybe, maybe get the courage to say hello. That's amazing. So cool. I think that's so cool. Okay, so fun fact. I'm gonna change my fun fact because my fun fact was different. So uh uh passing passing the George, I am Marnie. I'm in the DC area. I am drinking uh vodka and pineapple juice right now. Oh no, it's not vodka, it's spiced rum, spiced rum and pineapple juice. Delicious. Um both are both are good, but the spiced rum, I think, is very, very good. Um, and my fun fact actually is that um I got to meet River Phoenix and Richard Harris, both of whom rest their souls, um, when I was touring in a Shakespeare company and we went through New Mexico and they whatever film that they did together where they uh were filming in some desert, um, and they like we were in this dinky little motel and we were performing at like the middle school. And uh and so like we uh when we excuse me, when we went to breakfast, my friends Lauren and T and I were at a table and and Chris, I think it was Chris, um yeah, and my friend and our friend Chris, and and there he was like, Oh my god, River Phoenix and Richard Harris are at the table, and we're like turning around and be like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. And he walked up and gave them a flyer for our show. They were like, Yeah, we'll try to make it. We were like, We won't, but you know, um, but it was uh it was it was really funny. Um, so now like I have the time that I met R River Phoenix and Ridge Rederis. Um but it's okay. That's true. I know what you're gonna do. Um, so yeah, that's that's my fun fact. And um we are gonna introduce something called the White Pants Party. The White Pants Party. You know, like some podcasts or shows will uh say, oh, you know, happy birthday to people who are like, you know, we want to start a new celebration. And it's a celebration of when you have reached that magical menopause day that is one year past your last period, and we want to call it the White Pants Party Day. And your friends should all like start a little um um like a registry for your favorite uh like pair of clothing that is either white or light colored, something that you could not wear when you were actively bleeding, um, for fear that it might be get ruined. Even though, like, whenever I wear anything white, I I get it stained immediately. But now it's one less stain. It's one less stain. So maybe like nice sheets, nice white sheets or nice like yellow or light-colored sheets, something, something really dangerous to wear when you were still breathing. So I hit my white pants party uh when I was 49 in April of 2000. Um, no, sorry, 2020. I was like, I'm not that old, Jesus. 2020. In April of 2020, during the pandemic, of course. Um, but it is it is a glorious, glorious day. And my friend Kiki said, Oh, now you can wear white pants whenever you want.

Dom 6:32

So let me ask, Marnie, did you get yourself a pair of fancy white pants?

Marni 6:38

You know, I did get myself um like a nice light-colored skirt. Ooh, I don't like wearing anything that's like too close, and I am like the whitest white girl ever. Like, I am almost see-through. My ancestry is like, you know, on 23 and me, it's like you are only from Europe and that is it. Like, don't even look anywhere else. Um, so like I don't like wearing colors that are close to the color of my skin. So, like beige and light, you know, white or anything. However, um, I did get myself a really nice light-colored skirt because I was like, you know what? And it's it's like a subtle pink, I think. Oh, I love a subtle pink, yeah, like a rose or a blush type of thing. Yeah, yeah, pinky. Purplish. Um something that definitely would have been ruined. But but now it's all mine. I love it. Thank you. So that's a white pants party. So if you or a loved one have hit your your menopause day and you would like to be welcomed into the post-menopausal club for people who have earned their white pants, please send us your first name and your age if you like, or you can just say, you know, a screen name. Uh, you know, I am, you know, mom to four and I'm, you know, 52 years old or whatever. Um, and we will give you a shout-out on the air because it is a milestone that should be celebrated. 100%.

Dom 8:17

I cannot wait for my white pants.

unknown 8:21

Exactly.

Marni 8:22

Oh my gosh. Have you seen The Last Fuckable Day? No, it's an Amy Schumer sketch that is um, oh gosh, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus, Tina Faye, and um uh who's the woman on severance? Patricia Arquette. Um, and they're having a picnic in the park, and they're like drinking and toasting each other, and um, and it's Julia Louis Dreyfus's last fuckable day. And and Amy Schumer comes running up. She's like, Oh my god, you're my heroes. And they're like, Oh, come on down, come and sit down. And then they're like, Well, like, what are you what are you celebrating? And they're like, Well, it's Julia's last fuckable day. They're like, What are you talking about? Like, well, you know, Hollywood decides like when when your last fuckable day is, and you go from, you know, being the uh the the main character's wife to being the main character's mother, and it could turn like that basically. It is so genius, and like, well, what about a men's last fuckable day? And they all start laughing. Yeah, so that leads us into peeing ourselves. Because that is one of the things that happens as your pelvic floor goes to shit. So, um, Dom, do you have any any stories about uh peeing yourself or should I go first? You go ahead. Okay. So um my peeing myself story, I didn't know, like I did not have a a vaginal birth. I had a C-section. So I thought, you know, the public floor going to shit was like after you have a vaginal birth, like like you you start to lose control of those muscles because they've been used and whatever, and like ex expanded or what what have you. Um, and I was playing uh the sister-in-law in Cat on a hot tin roof. And we played me as like, she's like got six kids, and um, we played me as like so pregnant that like it looked like I had a yoga ball underneath my underneath my t-shirt. And so at the end, I go off screaming that these people are liars. They're liars, you're liars, you're liars, liars, and um and uh the first time it happened, like I was on stage and it was just like I was like, I think I just peed myself a little bit. And I went back stage, it was luckily it was my exit, and I was like, holy shit, I totally just like peed my pants a little bit. I'm like, what the hell is going on? I come to find out that as you age, it doesn't matter, your pelvic floor muscles start to atrophy. And thank you, lack of estrogen, that's what's happening. Um so it continued to happen because I was on stage like six nights a week for like three years at that point. Um, and I was doing show after show after show. And if I had a character who was really loud and screaming, and it wasn't always anger screaming, it was like joy screaming, I I would have to wear like a massive poise pad. And the the worst time that it happened, I was in this very uh this uh very uh popular show at a very popular theater down here in DC. And I played a character whose kid got into Yale, and my friend hears me talking on the phone, and that my my kid has gotten into Yale, and I turn around and I'm like, Yale, and I'm like, I'll go, Yale! And I screamed it, and like the floodgates open. No, I'm on stage in front of a full opening night house, and luckily my costume was dark jeans and a very long sweater. I went backstage and I was like, I because I could I there was nothing I could do, like no kegel was going to stop this. And I was like, I can't fucking believe this. I cannot fucking believe this. Um, and so like I had to go back, I didn't have, I hadn't worn jeans to the theater, it was opening night. I wore like I didn't have backup jeans. I had one pair of jeans for the whole show. So I had to like scrub out the jeans, wash them really quickly, um, on, you know, in the the laundry and put them in like the dryer and put them back on before my second entrance. And I was like flipping out. I'm like, they're everybody's gonna smell that I've got pee on me, everything. No, nobody noticed, not a single person noticed. So what did I do? I told everybody. Of course. I mean, that's what we do. I went around at the opening night party going, I totally peed my pants on stage. Like literally peed my pants. Um we do.

Dom 13:45

So hashtag neurodivergent.

Marni 13:48

Hashtag neurodivergent, right? Hashtag overshare. Um, so hashtag no tmi on this podcast. No tmi at all. So um, so yeah, that was my thing. That and uh I can't go to trampoline parks anymore, apparently. I mean, do you want to? I mean, kinda. I like trampolines. But but poise pads exist, so that's good. That is that is good. How about you? How about you, Dom? I know you don't you uh you are like you didn't have the vaginal birth uh either. So uh what is your your uh your story? Yeah, it's interesting.

Dom 14:31

I've made no babies, yes. So uh so here's the thing like first of all, I've always had like a tiny, tiny bladder. I've never been able to hold my pee for very long. When I was a kid, my mother used to joke that we knew where every single bathroom was in Disney World because I used it. And my husband and I have driven and moved cross-country twice, and I swear to god, he was ready to leave me in the Midwest a few times because of how much I had to pee. I have peed behind I so many bushes and trees and rocks. It's like sometimes even when there's no those aren't available, it's pulling the car over and opening a door and then peeing behind the door on the side of the road. Like I have pee issues. And then so in my, I want to say my actually this my peeing myself origin story starts in my late 30s. So even so even so even before I started to put together symptoms for perimenopause, this is when when like I started to have some bigger issues. In my late 30s, I was training at a uh a boxing club, and it's like one of those actual like like what you see on like rocky boxing clubs where oh yeah, yeah, you know, the the fighters go in, there's you know, you go in, you you have your certain warmups that you do, and the coaches walk around and they train you. And um, so I'm there with like a bunch of like fighter dudes. Wow. And you have to do your first round whenever you go, it's five minutes of jump roping. Oh my god. Oh my god. I was there with one of my good friends. She and I she and I had just started training there together. Fucking pissed myself when I started jump roping.

unknown 16:33

Oh my god.

Dom 16:33

Just full on pede. Oh my god. I was wearing black leggings. Thank god. God. And I was like, what the fuck? And I still had 60 minutes of rounds to go. Oh Jesus. Oh my god. Including having to like work with one of the coaches while they hold mitts. And I'm like, oh my god, I have to walk around here smelling like piss. Oh my god. Fortunately, if you've never been in a boxing gym before, it smells like every kind of foul human matter there is in general. So, because let's see, fighter dudes fucking stink. Um they smell like mad. They smell like it's disgusting. They smell like ass. Um, and so like it's stunk in there in general, anyhow. So, but I was in my head, I'm like, I smell like pee. Everybody's gonna know I smell like pee. And so I was like, that was weird. I must have like just had a wicked full bladder. So next time we go, I should my friend's like, Dominique, pee, go pee right now, go pee. And I go and I go pee before jump roping, start jump roping, piss myself again.

Marni 17:43

No, oh my god.

Dom 17:46

We're training like two, three times a week.

Marni 17:49

Oh my god.

Dom 17:50

So it gets to the point where like the running joke, like at this point, my friend's like, you're gonna piss yourself every fucking time you jump rope. You need to just start wearing something. So I started wearing pads every time I went, which is disgusting when you're sweaty. I know because it's like it's a hot ass boxing gym with no real AC, it's just fans, stinky men everywhere, yeah, and just like you're sweaty, and then you wear a pad that you peed into when you were jump roping. Oh god. Oh, I enjoy being a girl, so fun. And then it continued to like go beyond jump roping. Now it's like I would I would sneeze and I would pee. I would cough and I would pee. I laughed too hard and I would pee. It's just like what the f it was like I had no fucking control downstairs anymore. Yeah. So I did start to do some things to help that, but I'm gonna save that for when we go talk about our recommendations. But that is my that is my bitch sesh.

Marni 18:58

Oh my gosh. Thank you, thank you for your bitch sesh. Um, so god, that's awful. So John our John Duddy, our uh our editor, by the way, calls it tiny tank. Like Tiny Tank, Tiny Tank. That's adorable. So now you have now you have something you can call it, like your tiny tank.

Dom 19:22

So it's what's funny is that's what we call our our one of our dogs. She's an American bully, and she's like this very compact muscular bully, and we call her tiny tank.

Marni 19:35

Oh my gosh. Does she have a tiny tank or can she hold her pee? She can hold her pee a lot better than I can. Oh my gosh. Um so uh uh we we have our bitch sessions about this, but like um, do you have you read any hormone horror stories about about this? So, okay.

Dom 20:00

I I had some fun on Reddit today. Uh-huh. And and so a couple of things. First, I always love like different names for things. I just think it's really fun, like Tiny Tank. Uh-huh. And so I was like, what do you want, what do people is there anything else people call women people with ovaries call when we pee ourselves by accident? And there's there's the sneeze pee.

Marni 20:24

Right.

Dom 20:25

There's the sneeze-alick. There's the giggle dribble. I really like the giggle dribble. I think that's a great one. Oh my gosh! And then there's what I used to do before jump roping, thinking I would help me from peeing myself, the pre-game pee. Like those those were great. But giggle dribble is my favorite. Giggle dribble. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, and then on um on Reddit, I was like, what else? What what do people talk about when it comes to peeing themselves in this era? And there were some, you know, just like some affirming stories. Uh one person wrote that she was running a 10-mile race, fully peed herself in mile eight, and at the next water station poured a water cup on herself to hide her shame. Oh no. Another person said she was sitting on her hubby's lap when he tickled her.

Marni 21:24

Oh no.

Dom 21:26

Whole bladder emptied all over his legs, and she wrote, blah ha ha, serve them right. Tickling is not fair. It is not fair. Someone else said that coughing is their nemesis, and when they're recovering from a cold, they were a full on maxi pad. Another person peed all over themselves, tailgating at a football game. Um someone else peed themselves on a bumpy roller coaster said that it shook the pee out of them. Oh my gosh. I don't know. Oh, what someone else said. I recently said to my husband, doesn't everyone pee a little bit every time they sneeze though? And he was like, Yeah, no.

Marni 22:12

Megan, my friend Megan calls that the sniss. The snare is a prisoner, though. So like it's a sniss.

Dom 22:25

That is amazing.

Marni 22:27

But this isn't like one of the things that you said is a sniss. I love that. I I was gonna say that like I have seen um like it's either t-shirt or uh like um, I think it's a t-shirt or like a like a tea towel or something like that. Says, I laugh so hard tears ran down my leg. Oh because laughing too hard, too. You gotta like literally you can pee yourself laughing. The giggles are real, the giggles are real. Oh my gosh. So I was looking up some of the things that uh people had sent me for hormone horror stories, and Colleen was talking about um embracing the crone, just embracing this stage of life. Like we my my sisters and I like um I I went great at like uh my hair turned white at like 24, and I only stopped dyeing it when my kiddo was born because I at that time was dyeing my hair every two weeks. Oh wow, and so uh I I couldn't do that with an infant. Um, so I I that's when I started embracing my crone and and uh Colleen was talking about embracing the crone. My sisters are all all letting their hair go uh go silver after like me, and they're all younger than I am, so like all three of them are younger than I am.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

I love that.

Marni 24:01

Yeah, so they are they are just amazing. And Colleen also wanted to talk about Vellus hair, it's that that light hair that like everybody on a derma plane uh ad coats with powder in order to like shave, show it we're covered in hair, first of all, for mammals, right? Um, so we're covered in hair. There's the that's all there is to it. But the Vellus hair, it it's like maintaining my mustache has become a full-time job. And my grandmother used to call the the ones that stuck out on her chin her goat hairs. Like, like I have tweezers everywhere, every fucking where. Um so those were like the things about um that she had sent. Uh let's see, my only contribution is I'm pretty sure the Mira Mirana IUD is saving my ass. Erin said that. Aaron says the Mirana IUD is saving my ass. Um, let's see here. Anybody else sent me stuff? Uh hair loss is a big thing. Yeah. Like my mom, my mom's hair started to really thin uh after menopause. Um let's see, what are some other horror? Oh, so um Megan uh who was in the chat earlier, um, she sent me a whole thing and she gave me permission to uh to send send this to you or to tell this to you. Uh there we go. Excuse me, I have to clear my throat to read this to you. Um so she sent me uh I legit got the words my doctor told me to come because I've been feeling is what she said. And then the uh the OBJN it hit the roof. Oh wait, okay, I have to go back a little bit farther. Um so her doctor yelled at her. What? Her doctor yelled at her. What? The doctor was so angry that her primary care doctor told her to go to a gynecologist for her yearly PAPS due to her age. Made lots of sense. She was 46. She was pissed. She told me I wasn't in anything, and my mood was changing. My mood was changed. If my mood was changing, it was due to depression. Oh while she was naked under a paper robe, can't make this shit up. And she, the woman was probably 50, so maybe she was having her own perimetopausal rage. She's like, let's get this pap going. And she said it felt like a first date with a really aggressive sexual deviant all of a sudden. And uh, and she said she legit got out the words, my doctor told me to come because I've been feeling, and then she hit the roof and then she like shut down because she's like, Well, no, everything's fine, you know, because she's a doctor and I don't know anything. Then she told me I shouldn't be uh anyway, she was like, I literally said nothing for the rest of the appointment. Mine is a few mm-hmms. I guess she took me that as me being closed-minded about her advice. And meanwhile, I'm like, Well, I thought this wasn't a hormonal shift yet. The fuck? Yeah, and it was a very small office. So when she walked out, um, everybody turned and looked at her because they heard everything. No. It yelled at her. Yes. And she said, so she said she went into the um they had had a flood or something, so there was all this construction going on. Um, and and uh like they could hear everything. And so then she got everybody's like, what the actual fuck? And like she went out to like the hallway and started just bawling. Yeah, of course she did. She's completely traumatized, so she's like, forget this. Like it, you know, I should be good for two years. I'm gonna, I'm not gonna go back. Um, so but just think about all these any women who have had experiences like this, and they're scarred for life and they don't go back, and then they they don't have any um relief from it because they they just have nobody they feel they can talk to, which is why we're here, by the way. Why we're like yeah, please share your own hormone horror stories so that people don't feel so alone. Yeah. Um, so if you have any, write them to us at bitchesing podcast at gmail.com. We'll share them on the air. If you see us in person, we can record a little voice memo of you. Um, if you're here with us in the chat, feel free to share your own hormone horror stories. It's that's hard to say. Hormone horror stories. Hormone horror story should be. So American Horror Story Menipause Edition.

Dom 29:04

So don't let people bully you. Go ahead. No, no, we gotta normalize talking about this and sharing our stories. Um, but speaking of sharing, back to peeing ourselves. Yes. Anything that you've done in particular that has helped you reduce peeing yourself?

Marni 29:25

Yes, as a matter of fact, yes. So our dear friend Andy, who we are gonna see in October, so excited. Um, so she turned me on to this Kegel app. And I did look it up, and Kegel and Kegel are both uh accepted pronunciations because we're we're we're geek uh audiobook narrators, so we do that thing, but uh he was German, so he's called Kegel, so it's like Kegel, Kegel, Kegel. Um, Dr. Kegel uh came up with these kegel exercises. There's an app, and I will look it up and put it in the show notes. It's a kegel app uh that you um it's not just uh, you know, like you can do kegels right now. I'm doing kegels right now. Um exactly, you can do them anywhere. Um, but kegels really do help. Um, but this particular app has like whole has you exercising your muscles. So basically holding them for a certain amount of time, then releasing and then holding, but it's not like longer and longer. It's like sometimes it's short and closer together, and sometimes it's a really long one, but it goes up and up and up in um uh in intensity, like and different. Yeah, it's just like training for a marathon, right? I have not had any issues with peeing myself in several years because of this cagle app. So, yeah, yes. So I will look it up, I will put it in the show notes. It is it is remarkable. Uh amazing. Yeah, so there's that. Also, vaginal estrogen is the only thing that has helped me. And our very next episode, we're gonna talk about um parlorgames.com. We're gonna be joined by Kate Wells, who is the founder of Parlor, it's ParlourHyphen Games.com, is the website, and we'll link to that. Um, she has estradiol and other bioidentical creams. Um, and one of the ones that she has is called silky peach cream, and it is amazing, it has helped so much. And she's a scientist, like she she started this company because nobody was helping. Um, and it's very affordable. So check out them out. Yeah, parlourhyphengames.com. Um, so vaginal estrogen and estradiol. Um, I am not a candidate for hormone replacement therapy, unfortunately, because I have blood clotting issues and it would kill me. So we're not gonna do that. We don't want that. So uh so that's those are the things that I use is the the um vaginal estrogen, the estradiol, and the uh cagle exercises and also poise pads. I mean, when all else fails, you know, just poise that's what they're for. And they actually do trap the um the smell as well. That's what they're made for. So that yeah, it's a lot better than just wearing like a um a maxi pad. A maxi pad, yeah. Yeah. Poise pads are are a different uh a different breed.

Dom 32:35

They're meant for the urine.

Marni 32:37

They're meant for the urine that dribbles down your leg when you laugh.

Dom 32:41

For the giggle dribble.

Marni 32:43

They're gonna giggle dribble hashtag giggle dribble. Um, what about you, Dom? Do you have anything that you do?

Dom 32:51

Yeah, well, so shortly after I started to have those issues, um, we moved to a different state, and someone had recommended that actually someone who had recently had a baby who was having the same issues had recommended that I look into pelvic floor therapy. Oh, so I did about six months of pelvic floor therapy a few years ago. And I mean, the the therapist was incredible, and she 100% normalized it, didn't make it weird, and she was like, This is what we do, and she was like, it's totally normal. I felt weird about it because I was like, never done that before. I've never done it before, and I'm like, oh man, I gotta take my pants off. So I have imagine a gym, but like, what do you what happened? So I literally went to like a physical therapist place where other people, like runners and stuff, were like and people who had different injuries were working on other physical therapy. Oh so yeah, pelvic floor therapy.

Marni 33:53

Tell me about pelvic floor therapy.

Dom 33:56

So I get brought into a room at the physical therapist's office that looks like a doctor's office, and she, you know, has me undress from the waist down and put a little gown around my waist and leaves the room for that part, obviously. And so it's kind of like getting set up for your annual pap smear.

Marni 34:11

Okay.

Dom 34:11

And so, and then I lay down on the table and then she came in, and essentially, like she did like internal sort of massage. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Awkward. Um, but she also was like talking to me. It didn't actually part sometimes it was like a little like I could actually feel where there was tension. Oh you know how like when you get like a regular massage and you can like feel where like the massage therapist like hits the knot on you. Like I could I could feel that when she got to that.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

Oh wow.

Dom 34:50

And she was sort of like it was very systematic. And this was a couple of years ago, so I'm trying to recall from a couple of years ago, but like she was moving in like certain directions and was having me like uh breathe in certain ways and then also like clench and unclench and like use my muscles down there, so like keegling. Yeah, but yeah, she was doing basically some like internal manual work on me. Really fucking awkward.

Marni 35:18

Yeah.

Dom 35:19

Hi, nice to meet you here. You can cause your insights. I'm going to yeah. Um, but she was also explaining everything to me while she was doing it. Um, awkward but not inappropriate or anything like that. She was she was high highly professional, really, really actually a lovely person. And then she was explaining to me what was going on. Okay. And then she was giving then in between appointments, um, I had to do it for myself. Oh, yeah. And so she would recommend that I take lube into the shower. This sounds like it's about to be the beginning of like a sexy story.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

It is not a sexy story.

Dom 36:04

Yes. And she wanted me to take lube into the shower, and basically, I shouldn't be doing this with I'm like, I am mining it with my fingers. We will stop doing that. Um, and basically like rotating counterclockwise or clockwise and doing like specific types of internal massage on my muscles downstairs.

Marni 36:27

Okay. All right.

Dom 36:29

And then then she said a lot of it too for me was also some self-talk. So one exercise that she gave me, okay, that I could do without putting my fingers inside myself, um, was she said, if I felt like I urgently needed to go, which was all the time. Like I have, like I was having a problem with like urgency. Oh, sure, sure. She was like, okay, what you she would have me breathe in a way to like, you know how we would do diet diaphragm breathing to like fill our diaphragm? She wanted me to breathe into my pelvic floor.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Okay, all right.

Dom 37:08

So it's like if you think about breathing down past your diaphragm into your pelvic floor and sort of visualize that. So she would want me to breathe into it three times, okay, really slow, keegle three times. Okay, breathe into it three times again. Okay, all right, and that was supposed to help relieve the urgency. The other thing she had me doing was, you know, I used I call it power pee, like when I'm trying to go to the bathroom real fast and like sit down on the toilet and like push the pee out. Yes. She was like, that's part of what was fucking me up was my power pee. And she's like, you need to just sit down on the toilet and just let the pee come and not push. No pushing. I did not know this.

Marni 38:00

This is why we have these conversations. I did not know that.

Dom 38:03

Yeah, and she said, if she said, if I did anything, not to push, but to breathe into my pelvic floor. Okay. Because that expands where your bladder is and like helps push out the and if I still felt like I needed to pee more instead of pushing to kind of move my torso around while sitting. So, like, kind of like moving, like almost like pretend you're a belly dancer and you're shifting your torso around while on the toilet I need to stop. That's gonna make me have to pee. Um I've been drinking for the last two hours. Jesus. I know like I gotta go now. Oh no, oh no, tiny tank, but like tiny tank, but yeah, so like all these different sort of exercises for me to do between our sessions, and I will say it helped. Awesome, it made a massive difference. It made a massive difference. Now I will say, thank you, neurodivergence slash career change and aging. I kind of fell behind on those exercises, and I haven't been to a pelvic floor therapist since we moved out of that state across the country. So that was like four years ago that I was doing that. Right, but I will say it was highly effective.

Marni 39:16

And it's a skill then that you have forever, like you know how to do it.

Dom 39:20

Yeah, and I still will do like what I feel P urgency. I will do that breathing exercise, kego, kegel, kegel breathing exercise. Oh wow, and it does help.

Marni 39:31

A doctor that knows what they're doing, right? Or pelvic floor therapist that knows what they're doing. That's awesome. So that was pretty that that was yeah, that's basically all I've that's really cool. Thank you for telling us about that. Because I literally, when I hear pelvic floor therapy, I think of like lifting weights with your genitals. Like, I don't know what no, so having a stranger massage you on the inside for money, but not like that. Not like that. It's covered by insurance. Um, are is there anything other than like that's that's the big one, right? Is the pelvic floor therapy? Did you have any other like any other things that help with peeing yourself? Pre-game pee, baby. Pre-game pee. That's right. That's right. Just like just the just in case pee.

Dom 40:30

Just in case pee.

Marni 40:31

Like my friend used to say, like, don't break the seal.

Dom 40:36

That's what we used to break in college when we went out bar hopping.

Marni 40:39

Don't break the seal. Don't break the seal. I guess then you have to go all the time. Yep. Um, but yeah, no, it's not, it's not the same. Um, I I bet uh we we have uh we haven't talked about um bitch and books or articles about this in a while, but I'm sure there is like stuff available on the internet. Um, I I'll give another shout-out for Unlock Your Menopause Type by Heather Hirsch, Dr. Heather Hirsch. Um, she I I if you have if you're new to our podcast, I was the director for her for her audiobook. And um some wonderful uh producers who knew that I was very outspoken about menopause perimenopause, uh, were like, hey, you know, like um actually, no, this is how it happened. Go back, go back, go back. Um, it was offered to a friend who said, you know, who has gone through this is Marnie. You should talk to Marnie. And so um they offered me the book and then came back and said, Well, actually, the author wants to read it herself, but would you direct it? Amazing. And I was like, Yeah, well, and so I had the best time with her. It was like three or four days, and she read through all of her stories about it, and she's been a menopause specialist for like 10 years and just started going through it herself. Um, and so like Oprah's like special uh on menopause and perimenopause, like the big M. And it was like four famous people and this other woman, and she's the other woman. Um, and now she's getting famous in her own right because she's trying to get um doctors to really step up in menopause and like really train them to know what to do in menopause because other than other than specialists, doctors get absolutely zero training, like zero. That's so fucked up. It's so fucked up because like you know, it there's a lot of money in making babies, right? But like but after you are past the age that you're making babies, like it there people are just now starting to realize that we have purchasing power and there's a lot of us. Yeah, yeah, and that half of the population at half their lifespan, basically, is gonna start going through this and uh they need not only do they need help, but they need um to have uh they have uh disposable income to do something about it. So if you come up with something that is useful for the fully half of the population born with ovaries that are going to go through this, then then you you've got a built-in audience. Yeah. So definitely check out Unlock Your Metopause Type. She has a second book too. Um, but if you know of any books, you want to recommend any books, maybe we could have a uh bitch and books uh book club or something like that.

Dom 43:44

Yes, yes, that is hot ease. That is something that we would like to be starting, so stay tuned. Yeah, absolutely. The bitch and book club. Yeah.

Marni 43:53

Do you have anything else to say about this, or should we thank John Detti? I think we're ready to thank John Detty. Okay. Well, special thanks to John Detti, our editor, who makes us sound super good. Thank you, John.

Dom 44:08

And thank you to our hotties in the chat, and to all of you joining us. Until next time.

Marni 44:16

Talk to each other because nobody else is going to.gmail.com. Or if you just want Hottie's merch, go straight to shop.bitchesandheatpodcast.com. Our podcast is edited by John Deddy of Deddy Studios. Please note that no part of this audio may be used or reproduced in any manner for the purpose of training artificial intelligence, technologies, or systems. Copyright 2026, all rights reserved.