Marni 0:01

Welcome everyone to Bitches in Heat, a podcast where middle-aged hotties bitch about perimetaphors, metaphors, and the shit that surrounds it.

Dom 0:10

Also, hotties, there will be swearing. So maybe wear headphones or go in a different room if you've got kiddos and sensitive ears. But do grab a glass of your favorite beverage besties. I'm Marnie. I'm Dom. And today we are talking about, or should I say, bitching about perimenopausal rage.

Marni 0:32

Yes! Oh my goodness. I just want to be clear, we are not medical professionals and our advice should not be construed as such.

Dom 0:44

So if you have any medical questions, go see your OPGYN or even better, your menopause specialist, and tell them we sent you.

Marni 0:53

And checking in, uh, Dom, do you have a menopause specialist yet? Perimenopause specialist yet? So about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yes.

Dom 1:07

We're gonna be talking at some point about ADHD in paramenopause.

Marni 1:13

Indeed, indeed, yes.

Dom 1:15

Uh, and this is just a preview for that. No, I do not have a specialist yet. However, I have opened the website. Good job. I'm going to I'm going to toast you for that. Thank you. And and I went and saw my new primary here in Maine. Um, and she like right off the bat was like, okay, you're didn't even have to bring it up. She's like, you're in the age range of perimenopause. Let's start talking about it.

Marni 1:43

Oh my gosh, that's amazing.

Dom 1:46

Wonder's never ceased. That's incredible. And she was like, she sent me the menopause.org website and she's like, I want you to read some of the resources on here. And then why don't we talk about the estrogen patch for you afterwards? And so it's like, I didn't find a specialist yet, but my primary was like on top of it.

Marni 2:04

I am so happy for you. And like, I'm just gonna give a round of applause there to that primary because like that is so amazing. Especially if anybody who who has been following the podcast for a while, if you go back to our very first episode, bitching about our menopause origin stories, Dom has a doozy of one.

Dom 2:26

I yeah, I yeah, oh, and Hottie's crowdsourcing recommendations here. She wants me to start taking some supplements. She wants me on magnesium, calcium, and vitamin D. I can't remember the last time I bought a supplement for myself.

Marni 2:42

So if anybody has any brands for those that you really like, I do, I do, and my um my uh nutritionist who I found through Nourish, uh, who is amazing. And I just talked with her this morning, uh, Marie, Christina Marie Rogers, she um recommended a calcium and a vitamin D for me um that is a liquid.

unknown 3:08

Yeah.

Dom 3:08

Wait, what's it taste like?

Marni 3:09

Uh it's not great, but okay. I mean, I'm sure I've had worse things in my mouth, but uh hashtag I'm sure I've had worse things in my mouth. Uh but it's like you hold it like under your tongue for a little bit. Okay. And so like I I was on the floor with a foot cramp in Safeway for 20 minutes the other day. It was so embarrassing. And I went home and like I took the uh the magnesium immediately and it helped so much. So really, yeah, it's awful. Like the it the lack of estrogen leaches out the all of the good stuff out of our bodies, and and uh magnesium is one of those things.

Dom 3:53

So yeah, please let us in general. I'm gonna want that link for that liquid.

Marni 3:59

I'll link it in the show notes. It is I think like the name, the brand name is like Quicksilver or something. Uh I don't remember because brain fog, but I will um find it.

Dom 4:12

We'll find it, and I'll link it in the show notes. We'll find it. Looks like you've already answered Lindsay's question. Any magnesium supplements that are not giant pills and not sugary gummies? Look like Lindsay, it looks like we're gonna put some nasty tasting shit under our tongues instead.

Marni 4:28

But you know what? You can have like a brownie ready to go and like you swallowed the nasty shit and eat the brownie and you're good to go. But then am I gonna start associating brownies with that? Uh change it to something that is that you like to drink. Maybe some coke. Coke is a shot of whiskey after a shot of whiskey. There you go. I mean, it's you know, it's it's uh, you know, micronutrients, right? I mean, I can't have sugar. So if anybody needs anything that doesn't have sugar in it, like I I am the person to ask because I cannot eat anything derived from cane sugar, I get a bad reaction to it. So it's good to have a brownie ready to go in any event, says Kate. Agree. Thank you, Kate. 100% agree. And I know that Kate is a very good baker too, so I bet her brownies are killers. Kate, Kate, do you ship brownies?

unknown 5:22

Amazing.

Marni 5:24

Oh my gosh. So, Dom, who are we and what are we drinking?

Dom 5:28

Who are we and what are we drinking? And listeners, we're also adding a fun fact. You know, like the dreaded, the dreaded uh, was it icebreaker uh at meetings, but we're gonna make it fun.

Marni 5:42

Yes.

Dom 5:42

So, Marnie, Marnie, you go first. Okay.

Marni 5:46

So let's see. Um, my name is Marnie. I am a uh I am in post-menopause. I have been post-menopausal for eight years. I earned my white pants eight years ago. And today I am I'm in the DC area, and today I am drinking out of my little happy reader vibes that is losing some stickers. Um, I am drinking uh spiced rum and pineapple juice. Oh no. I'm missing the beach. I miss the beach a lot. So, and my fun fact is um I have a tattoo on my lower right hip that you can't see if I'm wearing any type of clothing whatsoever, but it is a collection of symbols that mean a lot to me. And so the face of it is a diamond. And fun fact is when women were first allowed their own coats of arms, um, they were given a diamond, but a diamond within a diamond meant that a woman was independent or divorced. And I got this tattoo on what would have been my fourth anniversary after my after my my divorce. I am remarried to a wonderful guy. That said, um, in the center of that double diamond is uh a dot to symbolize the present moment and being present in the moment. Um, but a dot with a circle around it is the symbol for the sun and a and it in ancient like hobo symbols in England and France and meant here they give you food and money. So that's inside the diamonds. And then on the outside are uh it looks like Celtic knot work, um, but it's a modified letter B to remind me to be bold. And then around the outside of it in white, in white ink, it says to thine own self be true. And then underneath it it says H B S E, which stands for happiness, boldness, strength, and endurance. Oh my god. I'll put a picture of it in the show notes, but it it means the world to me, and I figure, you know, if you're gonna have something on your body, you want it to mean something, right? That is gorgeous. I love that so much. Thank you. So power symbols on my body all the time. Yes. How about you, Dom? Who are you and what are you drinking, and what's a fun fact about you?

Dom 8:06

Okay, so I am Dom. I am located in Maine. I am 44 years old and I am in perimenopause. So all of the things are happening now, and they've been happening for almost four years that I know of. But if I was to really dig back into my history, I probably would see some signs even before 40. Um, and my fun fact, well, since we're talking about the stuff that's on our bodies, yeah, I have four tattoos, but one of my tattoos is only visible if I take my pants off. Um, I got the Xavier Roberts signature on my right butt cheek about 10 years ago because I decided I wanted to be the first Filipino Italian cabbage patch kid.

Marni 9:02

Oh my god, I love that. I love that so much. That I can't wait to see that because I'm gonna see you in person in a few weeks, and I can't wait to see that.

Dom 9:13

Oh, you'll see. I I will I readily show that butt cheek to anyone who wants to see it. Yes. Oh my god.

Marni 9:21

Is it online somewhere?

Dom 9:22

Is it on your like your Instagram or something? It might be, and if it's not, we might need to remedy that.

Marni 9:29

Okay, okay. So on our Instagram and on our TikTok, we need to put uh both of our tattoos. Did you want to talk about your other tattoos as well?

Dom 9:36

Okay, well, maybe.

Marni 9:37

We'll leave those for another one.

Dom 9:39

We'll leave those for for another. Okay. Another one, we'll leave it. I feel as though Xavier is that is that is pretty awesome.

Marni 9:46

And what are you drinking? You forgot to tell me. Oh, Rose Alday, baby. Rose all day. Is it from the same rose from the corner?

Dom 9:55

It is from the corner market, but today I paid extra for more expensive rose from the corner market because it's been a fucking week already. Oh my god, tell me. And I decided to be bougie.

Marni 10:09

Here's the bougie. And can I just toast to us? We just hit 100 downloads. And I clear, click on that. We hit 100 downloads. So we we do record a little in advance, but we we hit 100 downloads on our fourth episode. Yay us! Yay, us, and yay to everybody else who is loving having these conversations with us because we need them.

Dom 10:33

Thank you for your support, for listening, for sharing. It means the world to us to have you here with us because this is this is this is for all of you, it's for us and for all of our friends that and family and friends we haven't met who have ovaries and deal with this.

Marni 10:51

Yeah, 100%. So we actually, oh uh uh Marguerite Gavin said, Did you design your tattoo, Marnie? I did. I did. I was like, you know, my my ex hated tattoos, and so I was like, I'm gonna fucking that too. And so like I designed it myself. I I I do actually have a degree in graphic design, which you can see on our merch. Like our little our little bitch with the little lightning coming at, burking the lightning out, and then BIH and Hottie on the back. And I'm wearing the hottie on the back. I'm wearing the t-shirt today, too. Yeah, you are, and I'll show my boobs too. Dom's wearing our hottie t-shirt, and you can find all that at shop.bitchesandheat.com. Um, so yes, I did design my tattoo. Um, and I it means it means a lot to me. Maybe I should put that on a t-shirt. I'll send you guys the stuff and see what you think. Um, earned my white pants. Marguerite says, I love earned my white pants. Um, so yeah.

Dom 11:53

Stay tuned, Marguerite and Hotes. We're gonna have some other things going on as it relates to white pants.

Marni 12:00

So, on that note, why don't we move on to our bitch sesh? And what are we talking about today, Dom?

Dom 12:08

Perry Menopausal rage.

Marni 12:11

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is the worst.

Dom 12:15

So, so Miss Marnie, yes, tell me, tell me your rage stories.

Marni 12:22

So, my rage stories. Um my again, in our uh origin stories episode, I noted that uh I my perimetopausal journey coincided with weaning my child, who is about to turn 14, by the way. Oh, by the time this comes out, we'll have turned 14. So my child just turned 14, and this coincided with weaning them. And and I did not know this, but when you wean your child, um, your hormones go, oh, okay, well, back to business. I guess you don't need those hormones anymore. But at the same time, I was 44, and so I it was like, whoa, okay, hang on, wait a minute. So, like with menopause, uh perimenopause and weaning my child, my hormones went into overdrive. And so I was so angry all the time. Everything, everything pissed me off. And I and my my besties wouldn't tell will tell you, anybody who knows me really will tell you. I'm like, I'm like so happy all the time. And this was just out of nowhere. I would bite people's heads off. And I was, you know, I was so so angry and and so sad, and just like the sadness led to anger, and everything, everything just like it was a perfect storm.

Dom 13:49

Yeah.

Marni 13:50

There was one one in particular one day that um I we had I had my child and um I had just put them down for a nap, or maybe it's bedtime, I think. And all day I had been waiting to put this um this alpha. I don't know if you know who what alpha shelving is, it's from the container store. Um oh yes, yes, yes. Yeah, so it's it's modular shelving, and I had been waiting all day to put up this modular shelving. And I my husband came home from work, I had just gotten the kid uh to bed, and I was like, I'm ready to go put up the shelving now. And my husband said, Oh, honey, it's kind of late. Why don't you save that till tomorrow? And I burst into tears and screamed at him, I've been waiting all day to put up and like, oh my god. I think about it now, and I'm like, my poor husband. Um, but at the time, I'm sure I was like, um, but like it was just it was like, it was like this, you know, dog with the lighting and the fire around the microphone. It was like it was out of nowhere, and I would just start bawling, crying, and screaming. Um, and that's when I finally went and saw my doctor and I said, I don't know who this person is that that I have become. Um, and that's when she told me what was going on. Um so it was we would have friends over and my husband would serve like a round of drinks or something, and I would just see red, and I'd be like, You're cursing under my mind right now. Um and then I remembered that I had seen this Oprah special that was like um about perimenopausal rage. And I was like, I I was like, I remember this phrase, perimenopausal rage, because of course I had no idea what was happening. Um and and so I just googled perimenopausal rage, and this Oprah special came up, and I was like, I remember this. She had taken hidden cameras and put them throughout um different women's houses and and filmed them constantly until they had gotten used to it, right? And then she would get uh this you know uh the footage of them blowing up at their families over the littlest thing. Like you you put your dish in the left side of the sink instead of the right side of the sink and just seeing red, um, and just seemingly for no re no reason, and I'm using air quotes if you're not watching the video of this, and come to find out it's a totally normal thing when your body is going, okay, there are you know saber-toothed tigers everywhere, and you need to take them down when your your estrogen is all wonky.

unknown 16:55

Oh my god.

Marni 16:56

So I highly recommend Googling Perimenopausal Rage Oprah. Um and then like I would notice like in cinema, like every so often you'll see somebody famous is going through it. And like Salma Hayek, she just had um, and I can't remember the name of the of the movie, um, but I'll I'll try and remember it and put it in the show notes. Um, but her character is a middle-aged woman, and but she's you know, hot, like we are, and so she she put into her character that she was having hot flashes and she was having rage out of nowhere, and she was yeah, so it it does creep into the zeitgeist, and it's getting more and more prevalent as more people talk about it, like like us, and there are like 30 menopause podcasts out there, and um, it is so important that we all talk about this. So on my TikTok, my perimenopause, P A W S TikTok, I have a series of perimenopausal rage in cinema, and I have the uh the Rita Wilson monologue from the story of us about like um about how she doesn't have sex with her husband anymore because it's hard to French kiss someone who doesn't who takes the empty toilet paper roll and puts it on the you know and puts a new roll on top of the empty toilet paper roll. Does he not see it? It's like it's one of my favorite monologues in all of film. And then I put up Tawanda from um uh uh Fried Green Tomatoes.

Dom 18:37

Oh, do I remember that?

Marni 18:39

Yes, and speaking of Kathy Bates, um, from Misery, the monologue about oh, how nice you don't appreciate anything that I'm doing. And it's right before she hobbles him. And yeah, and so I shouldn't have laughed that. I mean, but come on. And then the other ones I have up are Everything Everywhere All at Once. Amazing movie, amazing, and so in like such such a metaphor for perimetopause, just like everything everywhere all at once. And um, and the other one was Hella from the the um from the oh gosh Thor movies. Hell it Hella is like, isn't she Thor's sister? And she like just it's um please help me in the chat. It it is uh Oh Night Bitch! Night Bitch is another one. Lindsay just mentioned Night Bitch with Amy Adams. It's such a good movie. Oh my gosh, it's so good. Um, so uh, but Hella, um god damn it. Anyway, Kate Blanchett, that's her name. Kate Blanchette plays Hella, and so she is uh she's like she gets mad, and then this guy's like, we're supposed to be you know scared of a little girl, and she's like, oh man, and then she like go does this, and like all her spikes come out, and she proceeds to kill everyone. And I was like, that's perimenopausal.

Dom 20:15

Just brilliant representation in Marvel, right? Exactly.

Marni 20:20

So what about you, you don't? Like, what what is your what are your stories about menopausal paramenopausal rage? What has happened to you? Whoa, whoa.

Dom 20:30

So it kind of snuck up on me because here's the thing I am half Italian, half Filipino. Okay, which means I've got a temper. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

I love it.

Dom 20:46

So like me increasing rage, but actually it did start to my husband I I do have a marker for where I do know it turned into rage because I think it was like a year ago. Okay. Ian looked at me and he was like, You're not you and he was like scared of me. And I was like, what are you talking about? As I am yelling at him for oh, here's the thing. Okay, actually, hang on. All right, yes, it was probably perimenopause of rage that got me to this level. Hottie's Hottie's helped me. He washed one of my cardigans on warm water with towels and put it in the dryer. Oh, and it was wool? It was like a cotton cotton cashmere.

Marni 21:39

Oh my god. Oh, right. Your rage was justified. Help a girl out here. Help a girl out. I got your bail money. You're good.

Dom 21:49

So I consistently, I I consistently text friends and say, get my bail money ready. Get like like get it ready. There were two. There are two reasons that my oldest friends know that they need to have bail money for. One, Ian, Ian's my husband. Ian did the fucking laundry again. Even though I tell him he thinks he's being helpful, I tell him every time, please don't dear. I know you're thinking you're being helpful. I appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. Please don't do the fucking laundry. The other time I need bail money is when I go to the grocery store. And that is also a rage trigger for me. Tell me. Let's see. I mean people in the grocery store, people walking in the grocery store, people blocking the entire aisle of the grocery store, people standing in lines up my butt too close in the grocery store, people using self-checkout that don't have never used self-checkout before and take a million years, or do a grocery cart full of fucking shit in the self-checkout line. People who go to the 12 items and under with 20 items. However, those little things. Or is something else happening? Yeah. I will say my last doctor did put me on a low dose, back on a low dose of acetalipriam, which is the generic form of lexaprobe to help me with sleeping. And that seems to be calming me down a little bit.

Marni 23:53

Yes.

Dom 23:54

Along with boxing on a weekly basis with my boxing coach who sometimes listens to the podcast. She was here last time. So she will probably hear this. But yeah, that also going and hitting things hard.

Marni 24:07

Yes. Here that another good thing. Yeah, another recommendation for hitting things. I want to go to one of those rec rooms. I actually have a gift card for a rec room. Oh my gosh. Up there, up there in Maine? In New Hampshire. Oh my gosh. I want to find one and like go and destroy some stuff. Like that's meant to be destroyed and nobody gets hurt, but like it it oh, just so excited. Port Fun Fun says it is the little thing.

Dom 24:35

It is, thank you. Like Ian leaving the I fucking told you this. He fucking he eats granola out of the granola bag and he puts his grubby fingers in there and then he leaves the bag open on the counter or on the dining room table. Or sometimes he eats it on the couch with his hands and then gets crumbs on the couch.

Marni 24:54

Oh my god. Good thing you have dogs though.

Dom 24:59

It's perimenopausal rage combined with my Italian Filipiness. Not good. Not good.

Marni 25:11

Oh my god, I love it. Oh, Port Fun Fun says fantastic podcast. Break bottles at the recycling center. It's very satisfying. We do have like a recycling thing, and it's got a separate thing for glass, and like shove it in there, and here you go. That's wonderful. I like it. She also says, Men listen to your bitches. Yes, men listen to your bitches.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

I love it. Oh my god.

Dom 25:38

Lindsay says, Did Oprah's cameras pick up the 10 things that happened before that dish blow up? I Lindsay, that is an excellent fucking point, actually, because it's never just one. Some just it builds up. It builds up.

Marni 25:53

It's never just the dishes. We have long memories. We might not be able to remember why we walked in the room, but we do remember why we blew up over those dishes. Oh my gosh.

Dom 26:06

That that cardigan incident that was five years ago.

Marni 26:12

Oh I still remember it. He is still not allowed to do laundry. He's still oh no, because he still fucks it up. Ian, we love you. Don't do the laundry. You should give him an alternative. Every time you think that you want to do the laundry, why don't you come give me a back rub?

unknown 26:30

I was yeah.

Marni 26:32

Except for if I'm having a hot flesh, don't touch me. That's true. You can give me a foot rub. Oh, there you go. There you go.

Dom 26:37

Run your hands, put your hands in the freezer for 10 minutes and then give me a foot rub. Yes.

Marni 26:42

Bring some ice cubes. Like run the ice cubes. Oh, that's amazing. Oh. So well, I mean, we we want to introduce something new to the podcast. And that is hormone horror stories. Because since we have started this podcast, people have been sending us emails and text messages and just stopping us like when we're together and telling us stories about what has happened to them. And I think every time we every time we do a new episode, we have heard a new swath of hormone horror stories. So Hottie Tour here with us for Hottie Happy Hour. Cheers you if you want to put your hormone horror stories in the chat. Um I have some that my friends sent to me via text. Um I will bring this all up. So um my friend Colleen. Um, so she's had to deal with bone loss and height loss because it's and she's my age. Like she we're not old. Like my my mother-in-law has gone from 4'10 to 4'8, right? She's she's but she's 80 what is she, 82, 82, I think. Um and she's you know, she's she's had some life experience to put into that crushing of the bones. But like um m Colleen is dealing with the this bone loss and height loss not being believed by her doctor at 40 that she was experiencing this stuff, very similar to what you went through, Dom. But poor posture. So like I have osteopenia on my lower back, which I found out from a DEXA scan, which her doctor will not cover. Even though you're supposed to be able to not doctor, her insurance will not cover, even though you're supposed to get your first DEXA scan at 50. And if if I had had a DEXA scan earlier, maybe we would have caught the osteopenia earlier. But like I have to do strength train uh strengthening strength training exercises now. Um but dental problems because teeth are bones, right? Um brittle fingernails, back and neck neck pain. So yeah, so it's yeah. So ask your doctor when you're supposed to get your DEXA scan, and if if you are already 50, ask them for a DEXA scan. So, what is a DEXA scan? Good question. A DEXA scan is a an X-ray, but it's sort of like an MRI almost, um, of your hip bones. Oh. And it can tell the uh the the thickness of the bones, like the porousness of the bones. I'm not explaining this well, but it's it's to find out what your bone dense bone density is. Okay. And and it gives you like a scoring. And if your scoring is thus and such, then it's osteopenia. If it's gone farther than that, it's osteoporosis. Another home run horror story, my friend Bridget is dealing with this right now. She has osteoporosis in her spine. She is my age or a year younger. Um, and the person that her primary doctor sent her to to get you know checked out for osteoporosis said that they don't treat postmenopausal women. Osteoporosis most affects postmenopausal women. But this particular provider is saying that they will not, they don't see postmenopausal women. What? I'm like, what the actual fuck are you doing? What the fuck is there a reason for that? Yeah, I have no idea. So yeah. They need to get throat punched. Yeah, they need to get throat punched. They do need to get throat punched. Like, what is the point? What is the point of seeing people for osteoporosis if you're not going to treat postmenopausal women? Oh fuck or postmenopausal people with over ovaries, which we always always quick to mention that trans men and non-binary people with ovaries also do go through perimenopause and menopause. But yeah, horror stories, right? This is awful. Awful, awful, awful.

unknown 31:12

Fuck that.

Marni 31:13

Fuck that indeed. Um, Emily wrote in to say, uh she she even typed it all out for me, so I want to make sure that this is exactly what she said. She said, I'm not sure if any of my bad experiences are hormonal yet. This is just the way I am. Like I really wanted to be perimenopause because it's all the same symptoms, but it's the way I've always been. And y'all, fellow neurodivergents saying it only gets worse is terrifying. I'm 40 and I feel like I'm in it for any day now. And and I just saw this amazing um video. It is a very concise um explanation of penopause and perimenopause that is um it's on YouTube. I'll link to it in the show notes. Um, but it's it is very basic. This is what happens, here's what's happening with your body. Um, you and they think that it actually starts earlier than we even thought because you know how fertility, um, advanced maternal age is after 35, right? So they think that because we're all born with all the eggs we're ever gonna have, like everyone with ovaries who's born with ovaries has all the eggs that they will ever have when they're born. And then as we get to puberty, that comes down to about, I think she said half. I'll look at it again, but the eggs there, you know, then you start, you start to shed them with your periods. Um, but like the follicles start to m mature, and then like the one that gets there the fastest lets the egg go, and then all the other ones go, oh, okay, I guess it's not my turn yet. And then that follicle gets absorbed back in, and then the next egg comes up. Um, so by the time you get to 35, most of the eggs, the viable eggs, are gone, which is why it's harder to get pregnant after 35. But you still can, it's just that your your ovulation becomes less predictable. So they were positing that perimenopause actually starts around 35. Sure. But we just don't see the more um the bigger things like night sweats and hot flashes and um the brain fog until later when the estrogen starts to really take a dive. And it is unusual, but people do start in their 20s. It's very unusual. Yeah, but it happens. So thank you for that. Thank you for sharing those, Colleen and Emily and Bridget. Thank you for sharing your stories with my friend. Um, and I I've got a couple more that I'll I'll save for another episode. But what about you, Dom? Do you have some hormone horror stories to share with us?

Dom 34:00

So I wouldn't call I mean, I guess they could fall under hormone horror stories, but I enjoy Reddit. And so today I was like, I wonder what Reddit says about perimenopausal rage. So I found a post in Reddit where somebody asked, what is the most unreasonable thing that has triggered your perimenopause rage?

Marni 34:27

Oh my gosh.

Dom 34:28

And Hoddies, please take part, put it in the chat for me. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So here are some of the so here there was a there was a lot. There were a lot of answers. What I loved most was like people responding to each other's answers, going, yes, me too, me too. It was like such a great space to be in. Everybody was like, Yeah, fuck that. And it was things like your husband blowing his nose. Um, so here's here's here's here's some of the of the gems. One person just said, My mom threw a shoe at me once. I was 13, she was 40. Now I understand. Someone wrote, hearing my husband breathe. Um the new thing my husband is doing is quietly laughing to himself while on his phone with earbuds. He opens his mouth to prevent a loud laugh. He's doing this to be considerate, but all I hear is mouth breathing, mouth breathing, huffy laughter. And I want to hold a pillow over his face. And somebody responded, does he also chew? Because my husband does, and I swear he ruins every meal. Chewing, Kate's chewing, yes. Uh, this one was a fun one where people responded, tried a new recipe, turned out shit, turned out like shit, which sent me into an instant rage. And in my moments of rage, I started drinking mango flavored wine, cheapest shit from Wally World, and started adding more crap to the recipe because it's already shit. How cut, how bad could it get? Turned out to be a hit. So now I'm drunk and full and no more rage. Oh, this is the this next one is the one that people responded to. Back on the laundry topic. My sweet husband did my laundry, probably never will again. Someone responded, Cheers, my friend. Mine threw my comfy jeans in the dryer on high. And someone responded to that, oh no, that's nearly war crime level. Uh, we've got humming and whistling, uh, husband wearing workout pants and making the swooshing sound. Oh no. Uh, the sound of my husband existing, my pants didn't feel right on my body, uh, people in my house talking to me, partner shuffling his feet on the carpet when he's walking barefoot, husband trying to explain a card game to me and taking too long, so I threw the box at him. And overly loud commercials.

unknown 37:00

Oh, God.

Dom 37:01

Point being, I mean, I found it very, very nice to see other people feeling rage over the little things. It's totally affirming.

Marni 37:16

It's a it is affirming.

Dom 37:18

It's a so affirming.

Marni 37:19

Um, Kate also said from her hormone horror stories, recurring UTIs, which when I asked my OBGYN, she said, Oh, yes, that's definitely a thing that happens. Could they not warn us? Seriously, right? Oh my gosh.

Dom 37:33

And Lindsay would be great.

Marni 37:35

Uh yeah, right. And Lindsay said period flu and menstrual migraines for over a year. No, over a year. I'm sorry, Lindsay. That's awful. That's awful. Poor Elise Myers. Um, is that Elise Myers? I think Elise Myers, uh, the one that's the viral person on on Instagram or whatever. She said that she had um uh she had bleeding, constant bleeding, so bad that she had to have um like a tampon and a nightpad and period underwear and sitting on a towel wherever she went.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

Oh my god.

Marni 38:21

And she's like, I didn't realize that wasn't normal. And like, yeah. And I guess like whatever her doctors would say would probab was probably like, oh yeah, no, you just have heavy periods. It's just your body. It's just your body, that's just your period. I know, right?

unknown 38:42

Oh my god, the worst.

Marni 38:43

Um Lindsay said, I didn't really know I had misophonia until Perry, but it might have always been there.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Yeah.

Marni 38:50

Oh god, oh god. Bright lights for me, too. Like, I cannot stand bright lights anymore. No more big lights. Like a, you know, as we both sweat under our big lights and our lights.

Dom 39:00

I know, right? I'm I'm constantly like, Ian, turn the big light off. Turn the big light off.

unknown 39:05

Light off, no big light.

Marni 39:06

And I I heard that's also an ADHD thing, so it's probably just worse. Like when you're in Perry and or when you're in menopause, and like, yeah. So what do you do to help with your rage, Dom?

Dom 39:27

I mean, you gotta snort. We gotta snort. Oh my gosh. I mean, you already said hitting things, but yeah, I I hit things. I I hit heavy punching bags. Um what else? What else do I do? So I do I did some reading and it's like, have you ever seen those things? And it's not just for perimenopause, but it's like sort of that like check-in with yourself when you're starting to feel like sad or frustrated or angry. And it's like, have you once last time you ate? How how did you sleep last night? Once how much water have you, like the checklist of things of like of your needs before you kind of allow the big emotion that you're feeling to take up more space within your day. Yeah and I have found that while it doesn't always alleviate the perimenopausal rage, sometimes, sometimes if those needs are met, the rage isn't so bad. Yeah, yeah. So, like, because here's the thing too, it's like when you're in perimenopause like myself, and your sleep is fucked, like myself, then like it's it, it just makes me eat all the more spicy.

Marni 40:45

Yeah, 100%.

Dom 40:46

So it's right now, I have not unlocked this yet, but right now I am trying to figure out a way to unlock my sleep.

Marni 40:58

I I am trying to do that too. I have been sleeping so badly in the last month. Like, I've been going to bed at three and four in the morning every night for a month.

Dom 41:11

I know because you text me. I I wake, I wake up at six in the morning and I see your text from 2 a.m. I'm like, Jesus, did you go to bed? I'm sorry. But like if I don't write it, my phone goes on sleep. I don't think I can hear it. Okay, good.

Marni 41:26

No, I I if I don't write it down, I'm gonna forget it. So if I don't say it right then, it won't happen. And so yeah, no, I definitely have to I have to text you as soon as I know. It it's it's so bad. I actually um nourish has uh uh that I've mentioned before, my my uh nutritionist app has um had one of the things was uh sleep hygiene. And it was like click, you know, I clicked on sleep hygiene and it's an AI assistant. And I was like, but I was like, as soon as it popped up, it was like, have you tried putting your phone in the other room? Have a little bedtime routine, blah, blah, blah. It was like all the things that you tell generic people, like um, here's what you do if you want to go to bed on time. And I was like, fuck you.

Dom 42:15

So but I'm not putting my phone in the other room.

Marni 42:17

What if there's an emergency? I know.

Dom 42:19

So I we have aging parents, I gotta be able to answer the fucking phone.

Marni 42:22

Yeah, for sure. But but I was actually impressed because I wrote back, I have ADHD and I know all those things, but I can't make myself do it. And the AI said, Oh, that's good information to have. Here are some out-of-the-box ideas, yes, that that you might try. And they were like, uh, they they the AI said, What time did you go to bed? What time do you normally go to bed? And it's like three or four in the morning. And they said, Okay, so we're not gonna get you to go to bed at 10 anytime soon. I was like, Oh, there you go. All right, all right, I'm listening. And then it said Skynet. I know, right? Why don't you try setting a uh close closing closing down alarm um like at 2 30 to like close it down and write in the alarm um bathroom, meds, water, sleep. Bathroom, beds, water, uh, bed, bathroom, meds, water bed, or something like that. Like, these are your only things that you need to do. And if things come up, like one more thing and one more thing, if it's still important tomorrow, you can do it. And keep I oh, I got this thing. I got a little um a little like it's a light up one. And I don't know if you can tell that it lights up on here. I have to like put the thing on. Oh, there it goes. Okay. There it goes. It lights up, and you can get it to stop. Like right now, it's cycling through all the uh all the colors.

Dom 43:56

It's like Christmas.

Marni 43:57

It's like Christmas, but I I thought. About the idea of ooh, and it you can make a go, ooh, um breathing. Um but I I thought about the idea of having um a pad of paper next to me, but then I would want to turn on the light to see what I was writing. This is just a pane of plexiglass and it lights up and you can turn it on, write write something on it. You can see what you're writing and turn it off right away. It's not bright. Um so yeah, so that so that uh plus the alarm, the shut it down alarm, but a warning alarm 15 minutes ahead of time. That's like wrap wrap up what you're doing, and then like maybe I I do three alarms. I do 15 minutes before, then five minutes before, then the time. Um and last night I went to bed at 2:30. I know.

unknown 44:54

Yay!

Marni 44:55

Now that's one night. One night does not a complete life change make, but um, it's progress in the right direction.

Dom 45:02

So that is progress, that's amazing. Yeah, and you listened to your alarms, you didn't snooze them or anything because that's what I usually do. I didn't snooze them.

Marni 45:10

Like I I I set multiple alarms because if if I snooze them, they're on an odd time and I don't like them. It drives me crazy.

Dom 45:21

So, okay, so is there anything else? So that's what you do for sleep, which is what for me I think is what's gonna help me with my rage besides hitting things. Um but uh what else do you do for to help with your rage?

Marni 45:33

So um my meds help a lot. Um I when I first had those like deep sadness and like the feeling of like something sitting on my chest, I um went to my OBGYN and she who had been through menopause herself at 40, um, put me on Certraline right away. And I am currently weaning myself, titrating myself off Certraline. I had been at the highest dose because and I was like, nothing can make me cry, ha ha ha. But it was helping. It was helping a great deal. Yeah, but um but I'm I'm weaning myself off. So I have started listening to um uh breathing exercises that are very, very, very slow. So like it's a like four and a half breaths a minute, or four breaths a minute. So it's like an inhale and an exhale for 15 seconds. Um and that is sort of a biofeedback exercise that that calms your heart rate.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

Okay.

Marni 46:37

Um I also leave the room a lot. I the last time I got really, really mad was when when we were about ready to leave for I think it was vacation. We were leaving for vacation, and I had been given a time to leave, and I set my schedule so that I did this, and then I did this and I did this, and then the set time to leave was this. And my husband's like, oh well, why don't we leave a few minutes earlier? I hit the fucking ceiling. Oh no, I was like, no, like I try I you don't know how hard I worked to get this to all fit in, and I am doing exactly what I need to do in the time frame that you gave me. It's okay. Like, yeah, yeah.

Dom 47:28

Do not move our cheese right now.

Marni 47:30

Do not move our cheese. Oh my God. Um, so alone time helps, meds help, um, and somatic exercises. Um, our friend Meg Renin um is a somatic exercise practitioner, and I'm actually gonna go take one of her glasses tonight after this.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

Nice.

Marni 47:47

Um, they're they're nervous system exercises that um teach you how to recognize when you're either in fight, flight, or freeze, or if you're like um you're like getting really head up. Um and you can do any of these exercises, and some can be done like in front of other people, and they will never know. Like one of them is is pinching your your fingers and your your thumb on the knuckles, and it's like it's like grounding your body to say you are safe, you are here. It's it's really amazing. So, Meg Runyon, I don't know if she does like um check out W-I-M Wim Hof, Wim Hof for breathing. Megan McCall is in the chat. Megan! Check out Wim Hof for breathing. The body doesn't lie, Colleen says. Pranayama, baby, says Colleen. Pranayama breathing. Yeah, the body does not lie. It's we can like try and psych ourselves up as much as we want, but the body doesn't lie. The body is gonna know. So, like this, I I've done this my whole life. What you can't see if you're just listening to this, is I'm taking my flat palm and putting it um uh just below my collarbone, above my like right above my breastbone, just below my collarbone. And just that it that grounding lets my body know that I'm safe and I'm here and and everything's gonna be okay.

Dom 49:19

Amazing.

Marni 49:20

And I've always done this. I didn't know that that was like an actual somatic exercise, but it is. I'm sure there are tons of somatic exercises on YouTube too, but check it out. Like somatic exercises. And if you know Meg Runyon, hit her up because she does these for like she is so so inexpensive and like does them once a month. She's amazing.

Dom 49:41

Uh amazing.

Marni 49:43

So that's that's what I tend to do.

Dom 49:45

I love it. And you just remind me, something else I do just to like whether I'm anxious or if I need to just calm myself down. Obviously, not everybody can do this, but I've got two pit bulls who are very sweet and love their mama, and I will just go shove my face into their necks and like breathe in their sweet puppy smell and like match my breathing to theirs. Yes, and like it always, and there is, I think there, you know, I have seen articles and things about how having a pet or petting a dog or even a cat is some very good for the nervous system. Yeah, it is, absolutely.

Marni 50:26

So, and if you're allergic to things like a big fluffy pillow, yeah, you know, or or if you can go to a cat cafe if you can't have a pet yourself, or like go um go visit the dogs in the shelter or the cats in the shelter, you know. Like if you just need to calm your rage, go get covered by some kittens. Yes, except for me, I can't do that. I'm so allergic.

Dom 50:48

I'm wicked allergic to cats too, but I will bury myself in a pile of dogs.

Marni 50:54

Yes. Oh, 100%. I love that. Um, well, let's see what we got in the chat. We have our hottie happy hour going on. Um and what are you all drinking like while you're with us, by the way? And Megan says that's why hugs are so great. Yeah, because of that, exactly. That is actually a somatic exercise to put one hand on your shoulder and and cross your arms, one hand on the side of your of your belly, and like just like hold yourself. And if you close your eyes and do some deep breathing, your body doesn't know that that's not someone else hugging you.

Dom 51:30

Yeah, it feels just as sticky and uncomfortable as it does when someone else hugs me. Well, maybe with your ice vest you can do hug your ice vest.

Marni 51:41

Actually, I do love a good, I do love a good hug.

Dom 51:43

I'm just really hot right now.

Marni 51:45

I know, I know, you poor thing. Um, but yeah, animal centering for the win, Colleen says. So I'm going back to check the the chat. Um at the very beginning, right before we started, said, we'll be with you in a hot flash. Oh my gosh, we love it. Sometimes I know it's awesome. Susan Susudio is in the chat. We've got Lindsay. Susan said baby steps, hashtag baby steps. Um, Babs Wired is here. Uh so Babs Wired and I go way back. Um, I played her daughter when I was 23 and she was 35. How is that real? But she's tall and I'm short, so that works. But I love you, Babs. I love you. I'm so happy you're here. Um, Lindsay's here. ADHD and new doctor's appointments. Are there any magnesium supplements that are not giant pills? We talked about that. Um, Kate says it's good to have a brownie ready to go in any event. I think we've covered most of the brownies. Yes. Oh, Kate. Oh my gosh, Kate. If you have a good brownie recipe, I know she's got good soup recipes. She's like the soup maker. Um, but uh she has uh Kate, can I give you a shout-out? She's got um uh a Substack called Scratch. And um, yeah, and Kate used to write for the Washington Post when it was good. And uh now she has her own um her own uh Substack called Scratch. So everybody go follow Kate Cohen on Substack uh and follow her um her her Substack called Scratch. Um and it's uh it's all about Kate, you can tell talk about more, but as I understand it, it's all about like you know, making how the human experience is all about creating stuff. And we are in an increasingly AI world, and and it's important to to create things from nothing. Um Jennifer McCool says, and smells, everything smells horrible to me now, including myself and especially my husband, dude.

Dom 53:57

Jennifer, the amount of times I've curled into bed with my husband and I've been like, your pizza ripe. Did you shower today? Oh my god. And he's like, they really don't smell, Dominique. And I'm like, Well, uh, I beg to differ. That's debatable, friend. You're just nose blind to yourself. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, but I agree. My my sense of smell has heightened in a way, but it's like everything smells bad.

Marni 54:23

Yeah.

Dom 54:23

And it adds to making me feel nauseous as well. Oh, that's the worst.

Marni 54:28

Oh man, Jennifer. My husband says, by the way, that women make better somolies because we have a better sense of, we have a better scent palette to begin with. So once we get to menopause and perimenopause, we it's just, you know, it started off good and now it's extra good for bad stuff.

Dom 54:48

That's so does that mean we should all also get certified as somoliers as like an alternative? I think we should. I'd be okay with getting paid to sip, sniff, and sip wine. Yeah, right. The waistline's already expanding, might as well have some fun.

unknown 55:04

The thickening.

Dom 55:05

The thickening, the thickening's happening.

Marni 55:08

Oh my god. You talked about like how how uh somebody said my pants not fitting right was like the uh the the thing that did it for her rage. I swear to god, if I have to buy any more new pants because my old ones don't fit, I am going to punch something. Like, yeah, yeah.

Dom 55:27

So frustrating. It's awful.

Marni 55:29

It's real, it's real. Yeah. Uh Lindsay says, for what it's worth, my doctors have been really great. It just seems like no one knows jack about perimenopause, and that's true. Because as we've said on the podcast before, women were not allowed to be involved, women of of potential childbearing age were not allowed to participate in uh clinical trials until 1993. 93. That's so fucked. Yeah. So yeah. Um let's see here. Uh, yeah, so that's it. Hotties, do you do any of you have any um any questions uh for anything? We can uh move on. Do you have any books, by the way, Dom? Uh or articles or blogs we want to recommend? Um, I I talked about that amazing YouTube video that I will go ahead and uh and add.

Dom 56:23

I'm wondering, Marnie, if there is a particular podcast that perhaps we want to recommend as a preview.

Marni 56:32

Yes. As I think preview. I think we should. So um one of the we'll go back to the Hodis and Chief recommendations. One of the things that has helped me a lot is uh vaginal estrogen and estradiol, like a um a bio, like a bioidentical hormone estradiol cream made by a company that is called Parlor Games. And their um their founder, Kate Wells, is going to be joining us on the podcast on episode eight. I am so excited. We're gonna be talking about dryness everywhere. And thank you to Parlor Games and Kate Wells. Um, we will try to get you all a discount code for Parlor Games so that you can try it. I I love um that one of their creams that I use, and it's like it's like happy peach. Oh my god, I've got a uh happy peach. It's peachy something. Peachy. Yeah, thank you. Uh, by the way, this episode sponsored by Brainfog. Um show notes are for. Yeah, it's Parlergames.com. Peachy Cream?

unknown 57:52

Peachy Cream.

Marni 57:53

Oh, god damn it. Um, I uh if anybody else is faster at Googling than I am when we're on this podcast, but uh um we need an assistant.

Dom 58:05

It's like anyone who wants to enter with us and be an assistant. Oh my god. And do the Googling.

Marni 58:09

We can really like we need a neurodivergent, a neurotypical assistant is what we need.

Dom 58:15

A neurodivergent whisperer.

Marni 58:19

Oh my god. Um, all right. It's it's like happy peach, happy peach, or something like that.

Dom 58:25

It's gonna be in the short show notes. It's gonna be in the shorts.

Marni 58:29

In preparation for also silky peach! Silky Peach, silky peach. I'm like, I I know it's like peach cream, silky peach cream, and she is uh she is a scientist, and she you know saw that there wasn't an a really great um there there wasn't a good uh nobody knew anything out there, and so she created this uh company called Parlor Games and the silky peach cream I saw on Instagram and that was how I found it. Um so silky peach cream, you gotta go check it out.

Dom 59:08

Yes, check it out, and also in preparation for uh when we get to interview her and have her on the podcast. Check out her podcast. Modern menopause. Modern menopause. Check out Modern Menopause and Hotties in the chat. You are OG Hotties. You're going to be invited to be part of that conversation. We're gonna be recording and live streaming like we are right now, next Thursday at five o'clock Eastern. So mark your calendars so you can join us for that conversation and also get to chat live um in the chat with Kate. Yes.

Marni 59:46

And and with the, you know, if you have any questions for how somebody comes up with this, like what what she had to learn to come up with with her own like creams and um and how she went about marketing it and find I I think this it was very similar where where she and her friends were going through it and they just you know they needed they needed help and they found their own help. So hat tip to Kate Wells. Hat tip to Kate Wells.

Dom 1:00:16

Oh, so we were gonna talk aside from so we said books, blogs, podcasts and articles. Articles. Uh so not a book podcast or an article, but just a little note. Uh Marnie and I are like trying to be proper businesswomen and all that stuff. So I'm about to hit enter on my message, which is to sign up for our official bitches and heat. If comment has failed to post to bitches and heat podcast, never mind, fuck that. I'm gonna try it again. We have, but we have the bitches and heat podcast Gmail, and we're going to be starting to send out our emails formally from that account. And so we would love for you to opt in to receive emails from us. And what you're gonna get is not spam, you're going to just get your updates on when we're gonna be doing these live streams. So you can get your invite if you're our hottie happy hours. So you're gonna get updates on when we're gonna have special guests for the live streams. So it's really just letting you know when they're happening and what we're covering and who's gonna be joining us. Um, also, it's just gonna make us feel really happy and loved if you sign up for our mailing list. Um, I'm gonna try to send it in the chat again. But Marnie, you can keep talking while I can.

Marni 1:01:38

Okay, I'll keep talking. But um, so if if you have any books to recommend, if you have any articles to recommend, please put them, uh, send us, you know, uh an email at bitchesandheatpodcast.com. It's important to put the podcast in there. You can DM us on any of our socials. We love to hear about your hormone horror stories and send them to us so we can share them on another episode of the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:02

Yes.

Marni 1:02:04

So um, special thanks to our editor, John Detti, to our hotties in the chat, and to all of you joining us. And so until next time, talk to each other.

Dom 1:02:15

Because nobody else is going to.

Marni 1:02:19

Bitches and Heat Podcast is a co-production of Marnie Penning Narration LLC and Dom's Salvation. Dom and Marnie are not medical professionals, and their advice should not be considered as such. They're just a couple of middle-aged hotties bitching about perimenopause and everything that surrounds it. If you'd like to join us for a live recording, you can become a supporter of the podcast at Bitchesandheatpodcast.com. Make sure you add the word podcast or you won't reach us. The other is a very different website. Also make sure to check out our hotties merch at bitchesandheatpodcast.myshopify.com. If you have a suggestion for a future podcast, write to us at bitchesinheatpodcast at gmail.com or visit our website, bitchesinheatpodcast.com, to send us some fan mail. Please note that no part of this audio may be used or reproduced in any manner for the purpose of training artificial intelligence technologies or systems. Copyright 2026, all rights reserved.